99 GOGGLES


I had offered to move Hiawatha’s canoe
Providing he’d buy me a spot of the brew
Before saying sayonara to you-ors truly
The bartender slapped down a glass and poured to me
Splashed a little bit for theatrical flair
licked fingers fixing tactical hair
A combover king with a walrus mustache
Who cussed at drunks trying to make the tallest cup stack
“I’ll adjust that”…he made change from a wooden nickel
stale peanuts, I was hook and sickle
“in life, you’ve got your dones and do nots,
then you’ve got those who put coin in the jukebox.
Others come musty down on to their tube socks
Looking for anything in a pair of pink culottes.
some cool off, but the pool got closed down
so have a drink on the house in a ghost town

99 goggles of beer in the bar…

another fish story from a one armed man
acted like I hadn't heard it when it began
the fact is, I told that tale to him years back
but he's got the gun and the key to where the beer's at
i act like whatever I hear is special
my mouth only opens for the beer and pretzels
I appear respectful, then scratch my balls
cause a bar is a man's world after all
well, there's that hag with the warts in the booth
She once was a looker, now whores for the booze
reason to take it easy on the Pabst Blue Ribbon
You don't want to wake up naked in her kitchen
she's got a birthday suit best kept for leap years
keep truckin son, ain't nothing to see here
her and me? Nah, I heard it from a guy who heard it
from a guy who heard it from his second cousin

99 goggles of beer in the bar…

I hear “hi my name’s hmmm”, I'm not good with such things
But it was nametag Tuesday, lady luck clings
Damn if she’s not looking like something I prolly would
Some form of Dolly put in Frederick’s of Hollywood
Saying “I’ll be good if you burn me fast”
Happened to check my watch...it was 30 past
Damn, where’d the time go?  I’m down to a five note
Slumping on the bar with a lady whose eye glows
Turning my head, eyeballs are stuck in mercury
Whatshername starts plugging her purchase fee
mercy me, what the confederate flag is going on?
I'm singing the words but i don't know the song
one foot outweighs the other by 20 pounds
slobbering to Joe “I downed how many rounds?”
can’t see him through the smoke, bile creeps
a giant ball of vile cheese the only thing I can reach

99 goggles of beer in the bar
99 models appear
a truckstop mustache turns to lust that
swallows the pride of a lonely man

Damn. I've got to quit drinking.



S. Bryden for Slingvoltage (ASCAP)